Adam Sandler… I Could Pardon His Zohan Bulge…But Not His Real Life Racist Stupidity

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Sunday, June 29, 2008

I must say that You Don’t Mess with the Zohan sucked ass on so many levels, that within a post of a few paragraphs it’s going to be hard to do the movie justice. I can understand that the movies writers are not historians, what little they know about the Middle East was probably learned in Hebrew school, and of course would be biased. I am also sure the irony of the Israeli Jews pointing their fingers at the Palestinians, the neo-Nazi like characters who I think were suppose to be the villains in the movie and poor old Mel Gibson, who got drunk one night and talked stupid, as if they were suppose to be the racists was completely lost on them. I can forgive the historical ignorance of authors Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow, because they are allegedly comedy writers. I could in time forgive the fact that they have proved themselves to be racist assholes. But what I can’t forgive is that these idiots have written a movie that wasn’t funny.

Because I don’t want to think about this comedic disaster anymore than I have to, here is a synopsis of the movie from NPR.

Sandler plays Zohan, a Mossad agent and ladies man (cue the padded-crotch jokes) who’s grown tired of assassination-planning and bullet-dodging in the Middle East (cue the hummus jokes) and grown fond of hairdressing (cue the feygeleh jokes).So he fakes his death and relocates to an Israeli emigre community in New York City (cue the discount-appliance jokes), where he finds a gig as a stylist to randy old ladies (cue the “special back-room services” jokes). And on the way to a can’t-we-all-please-just-get-along finale, he falls for a gorgeous babe of Arab descent (Entourage’s Emmanuelle Chriqui).

I’m not sure how this film affected the average fourteen year old, but half way through it, I was hoping Sandler’s/Zohan’s love interest, Dalia, a Palestinian, would strap on a couple sticks of dynamite and blow everyone responsible for this piece of shit to hell. In fact, by the end I was willing to strap on the dynamite.

But did the three, born in New York to a Jewish family, writers of this movie expect us all to accept the conventional frauds advanced by them in this piece of garbage. I think the only thing really funny about the movie completely escaped its authors. I wonder for example, if Grandpa Sandler ever told Adam about his real Jewish heritage. That most likely he descended from a group of penis worshipers who converted to Judaism in Eastern Europe almost a millennium ago. This is what made all of the penis jokes throughout the movie funny, but the humor seemed to escape everyone but me. Sandler in this movie had discovered his symbolic root.

There was also a good deal of other symbolism in the movie that escaped the grasp of its pubescent audience. Were for example, the elderly ladies serviced in two ways by Sandler’s hair dressing Israeli character suppose to represent the American taxpayer hosed by Israel and its American minions each year in the form of taxation for foreign aid?

But there were other scenes in the movie that just seemed evil. A scene for example, where Jewish comedian Rob Schneider, playing a Palestinian, recalls a past event in which he throws a shoe at the Sandler’s/Zohan’s Mossad character, then is physically pummeled and has his goat stolen. Here we were suppose to believe that this Palestinian, years later, with knowledge that his people’s land had been stolen and that they had been brutalized by Jews for sixty years, would care only about a stolen goat. I think it was at this point that I actually started disliking Sandler and every other Jew that had anything to do with this stinking movie. And Fonzie, that includes you.

Now I could go on and on, but it is not worth it. The real disgrace is that the movie reviewers out there who are a part of main stream media will not call these racist untouchables what they really are. Sandler and his pals now belong on the dung heap of racist comedians who simply can no longer be funny. Ask Michael Richards.

Oh, and one last thing. I would love to see Zohan and a Palestinian bride try to return to Israel, where the highest court in the land ruled that an amendment passed in 2003 to the Nationality Law barring Palestinians from living with an Israeli spouse inside Israel — what in legal parlance is termed “family unification” — did not violate rights enshrined in the country’s Basic Laws. So much for happy endings.

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One thought on “Adam Sandler… I Could Pardon His Zohan Bulge…But Not His Real Life Racist Stupidity

    Anonymous said:
    August 3, 2010 at 8:40 am

    In the interest of fairness. It's also illegal for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men in the Muslim world. And Egypt just passed a law that if you marry an Israeli you lose your citizenship.I think you need to have a sense of humor to watch this movie. Obviously it's not real life. It's a nice thought that Israelis and Palestinians could get along so well and stop fighting. Maybe one day in the future.

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